Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap.

(via heartscale)


"Smashgiving Eve" Or "The Devil’s Anus"

What I Learned: The simplest solution is usually the correct one.

The Story: Fall of my 2L year, I got the opportunity to celebrate a proper thanksgiving eve with my two insane best friends from childhood (let’s call them Snickers and Pookie) and my hardcore, balls-to-the-wall, do-or-die, finally-21-years-old brother, let’s call him Archer.  We started early in the evening, around 7pm or so, and each brought our own gifts to the party for everyone to share. I brought a bottle of tequila, my girlfriend, Pookie, brought a bottle of fireball whiskey, and my other girlfriend, Snickers, brought a bottle of something called “FIRE.” Yes. Just straight up FIRE.

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"Sunday Funday" Or "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"

What I Learned:  Guys will do really weird things to try and get some.

The Story: Fall of my sophomore year of college, I was co-directing a show called “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead” with a friend of mine. It’s a spoof-ish and very existential version of Hamlet from the point of view of two minor characters. But that’s not this story.

This story starts when I decided that the boy who played Hamlet was extremely cute. He did have these unnaturally long chicken-legs, but he was cute nonetheless. We flirted and chatted, and ended up going out a few times. He’d take me to dinner or for coffee or ice cream and then we’d have these long make out sessions in my dorm room. Every single date it was the same formula. He’d take me somewhere and buy me something (generally some type of delicious something) and I’d let him snog me for a few hours. 

It was fun.
While it lasted.

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Aggregate of Everyone I’ve Ever Dated

There are two rules to this post:

1. Don’t get offended. Everything here is true.

2. Please, please laugh as hard as I did when thinking back to compile this.

Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve all dated a few weirdos  some quirky dingalings, a douche or two, the “bad-boy,” the passive-aggressive way to get back at your parents, the goofball, the one who made you rethink things and the one who turned out to be gay.

But for all those non-stereotypical guys who fall through the cracks of infamy, this post is for you.

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I can’t stop laughing. This is what I needed in this week of madness.

(Source: pleatedjeans)