What I Really Learned in Law School

There are two rules to this post:

1. Don’t get offended. Everything here is true.

2. Please, please laugh as hard as I did when thinking back to compile this.

Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve all dated a few weirdos  some quirky dingalings, a douche or two, the “bad-boy,” the passive-aggressive way to get back at your parents, the goofball, the one who made you rethink things and the one who turned out to be gay.

But for all those non-stereotypical guys who fall through the cracks of infamy, this post is for you.

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Okay, so just like “The World’s Worst” I figure I’d do a little segment called “Some Shorts.” Little stories that can’t comprise an entire post on their own, so I’ll just aggregate them together in one bit with a theme. Here goes!

What I Learned: some weeks are just weirder than others and you’ve gotta roll with everything life throws your way.

The Story #1:  During finals week of my 1L year of law school (or first year, for non-law schoolers) I encountered some of the strangest situations in my life to date. They must be pretty bizarre in order to accomplish that title, you say? Well, the thing was, they were pretty weird, but that wasn’t the interesting part; it was that they all took place in a span of five days that makes them so odd.

On Wednesday, I needed a break from studying halfway through the day. I decided to take the short drive over to Starbucks and achieve a life-saving peppermint mocha so that I could continue studying until I died.

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What I Learned: Sometimes, you can be so far behind the technology curve that you’re actually underneath it. Six feet underneath it. In a wooden box.

The Story: During my first year at law school, I was casually taking the train home one weekend. I had to switch trains in Penn Station, as any good New Yorker would, and while there, I found myself amidst an interesting set of circumstances.

There I am in the middle of Penn Station, looking at the board attempting to figure out which train to catch next. Minding my own business, safe to say in my own little world, pretty much ignoring everything going on around me. Until this.

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What I Learned: Once again, public transportation is a terrifying place.

The Story: Senior year of college, I went to visit my best friend in Philly during our last semester, like a week before graduation. For the first time, I was taking SEPTA instead of AMTRAK, because I was super broke and my ghetto-fabulous ticket was $11 instead of AMTRAK’s whopping $60. SEPTA is like AMTRAK’s idiot, degenerate step-cousin who got run over by the soul train.

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please, do get excited for the next, pulse-pounding installment of “THE WORLD’S WORST!”

The World’s Worst Crank Call:

During my senior year of college, I received an incredibly disturbing phone call deep in the night that made me reevaluate my entire existence. This is that story.

One chilly night in the beginning of October, I was hanging out with a bunch of friends. We’d gotten pretty drunk the night before and then decided it would be a brilliant idea to go swimming. It was probably around 40 degrees. Clearly our drunkenly brilliant ideas don’t translate over.

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